Fouling the water you drink: a study in respect
A recent flamewar on the local Pagan list has prompted me to write about manners, respect, and causes. We all have causes - whether we are crusaders for separation of church and state, for gay rights, for sexual freedoms, against capitalism, for personal liberties, against globalization, for one-world-living, or any one of a number of issues that are near and dear to our hearts. For many, if not most, Wiccans, social justice is an important theme in our politics, whether or not we bring it into our religion like the Unitarian Universalists do.
After watching several people - good people, I must point out - let their tempers overtake them when discussing their individual passions, it occurs to me that anytime we allow ourselves to be consumed by our distaste and loathing for an opposite point of view, by an absolute certainty in the rectitude and righteousness of our own position, we are in danger of failing to understand. I believe the Ethic of Constant Improvement requires us to make the effort to understand the other side of a battle-line when we've committed ourselves to a struggle, becaues after the dust has settled and one side has won, only those who have that understanding will be able to create the "synthesis" from the thesis and antithesis that is being resolved.
When I started learned UEW from Kat, Jenny, and others, the first lesson of the First Circle was about ethics and about understanding that upon careful consideration, even things that appeared black and white were rich shades of grey that had to carefully examined. This examination is a key thread, as I see it, in the foundations of UEWiccan ethics. Any time we fall into the trap of demonizing and drawing precise "with us or against us" lines, you run the risk of casting your issue as blacks and whites in such stark contrast that the careful examination that a UEWIccan should require of her- or himself is impossible.
The ignition of the flamewar I write about was a combination of posts excoriating an older lady in our community of limited means. Several of the clear leaders in the community had been taking her to task for mentioning that she shopped at WalMart for her groceries. This woman was subjected to almost 2 days worth of excoriation and browbeating for having dared supported such a "capitalistic" institution that engaged in "illegal business practices," until she finally stood up and said, "You know, I'm sorry I can't afford to shop at the co-ops and organic grocers, but I don't have the freedom to make the choices you can make."
Now, whether or not you believe that this woman was wrong for "supporting" Wal-Mart and whether or not you believe that her antagonists were in the wrong for their actions, this exchange clarified a phenomenon I'm seeing more and more often in the various alternative communities that I participate in: a dangerous tribalism. This tribalism is a refusal to associate or communicate with others who do not share significantly similar passions to you. In short, I believe that the disparate activist communities are tearing not only the Pagan community apart, but are fractionating the entire spectrum of non-mainstream living.
This phenomenon is dangerous, because even the most dedicated crusader for social justice and progressive causes must choose battles to focus their energy on. Because I am passionate about electronic freedoms and sexual freedoms, I focus my energies in these arenas. This doesn't mean that I'm unsupportive of religious freedom, just that I feel like my efforts are better focused in these other areas. For many, however, it is becoming the case that failure to actively pursue these agendas is a sign of antagonism towards them - if you aren't with us, you must be against us.
Fundamentally, this attitude belies a lack of respect for the passions of others. The Law of Return plays here: if we cannot show respect to the causes that others hold dear, how can we expect them to hold respect for our causes? This breakdown is poisonous to a local community, even to a large community like the Pagan community in my area. I have seen this with a different group that I had been involved with here and the end result is fracture into ever-smaller groups, until each fragment is irrelevant. This serves no one well.
Only by honoring and understanding the positions of our fellow-travellers in the Pagan community can we grow beyond this dangerous tribalism. The reality is that the Pagan community is not large. If we spend our time sniping at each other over which type of activist the other is, or your "Wiccan lineage," or any one of a host of things, we will never be able to effect change in the areas in which there is substantial agreement. This disunity threatens efforts such as the Pagan Headstone Campaign, the presence of Pagans in interfaith councils, in prison ministries, and in the crusade for keeping religion and government separate.
Take some time whenever the next time you feel the urge to dismiss that passion in another person because you disagree with them. Consider that they are passionate for a reason and try to understand why. You don't have to agree with them, but in that understanding, you are learning their memetic landscape. Having that knowledge will make it easier to communicate with them, when next you need to. Showing that interest is a sign of respect, and even your ideological opposites will respect that and return it in kind, as my fundamentalist Baptist colleague and I have discovered. We can discuss both religion and politics with surprisingly little animosity, simply through showing respect for each other's opinion.
If this is the right course of action when dealing with someone whose views are substantially opposite yours, the must be even moreso for your fellow travelers. When you fail to do so, you fracture the communities that you rely on and foul the water which you drink.